I have delayed a little bit on this post in order to put my thoughts together properly on what has happened this week. Last Saturday, I recieved an email from a friend which told me that Katherine Olson, another dear friend of mine from St. Olaf and camp, was murdered when going to a job interview in Savage, Minnesota. Her body was found in the trunk of her car parked in a nature preserve not far away from the perpetrator's house. This was the first murder to occur in the community of Savage for over 25 years. What a blow it is to have it be one of your friends.
To say the least, this last week has been one of anger, sadness, shock, and challenge. Ironically, it was Harvest Sunday at St Michael's this last week. So while I was dealing with this tragedy within, the whole focus was about thanking God for the gifts he has given us. It actually proved to be very meaningful as we sang "Now Thank We All Our God" and "For the Beauty of the Earth". Life is a gift that we cannot take for granted at any cost. It only takes a horrible thing like what happened to Katherine to remind all of us just how fragile life can be.
The people of this parish have been wonderful and supportive. I have recieved amazing letters and words of encouragment from people of all walks of life. It has shown me how we all relate to one another in this unique community. No one is for themselves and no one stands alone here. For when one person mourns, the community mourns. It affects all of us.
It took me a little while to realize this and figure out what my role should be in this process. We all have our expectations of what a pastor or priest should be in a community. Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations and expected that I could carry out my duties here perfectly even when I was strongly grieving. This, ofcourse, was not the case and I became frustrated in my own human faults. It wasn't until I really started to open up to the staff here at the parish that I began to realize I am not superhuman. People of the ministry wrestle with the same issues as people of the parish and no one should expect them to be any different.
I barely got through the praryer petitions last Sunday without breaking down when I got to the names of the recently departed. Afterwards, I became so frustrated with myself for showing my emotions to the people of the congregation. Nicholas reassured me, however, that it was a good thing. "People need to know that you are human too" , he said. Now that I look back on it, I couldn't agree more.
As with many things, I have realized that I need this parish just as much as this parish needs me. I would not be where I am with my thoughts right now if I didn't have the expression of love and support from the people that I work with every single day. The people become so much more than your co-workers and parishiners. They become your strength and your family.
Even though I will be struggling with this event for a long time to come in my own right. This tragedy has opened my eyes to the very nature of community and hope. Even though I do feel very far away from my family and friends at home right now, I am not alone. I am with my family here. For that, I say thanks be to God.
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